A Practice to Nourish & Sustain Wellbeing
Careful research into any body system — whether digestion, respiratory, cardiovascular, endocrine (hormonal), or immune — reveals deep connection with the nervous system.
We are stress-responsive organisms.
So, it’s clear that stress management is very important for almost every chronic health condition, but which therapies work best?
In my practice, I have found one mind-body tool to be both deeply fascinating as well as effective: self-compassion.
Many people have misconceptions about what self-compassion is and therefore might shy away from developing a practice with it. But, the more I learn from the expanding field of self-compassion research, the more compelling it becomes. So what is self-compassion as a therapeutic support? And what isn’t it? How can it actually help you?
Common misconceptions about self-compassion:
"Self-compassion will make me weak.” Some people believe that if they increase compassion towards themselves, they'll lose their edge, or somehow become less competitive or successful at what they do. However, the research shows that this simply is not the case. In fact:
People with greater self-compassion actually have higher levels of self-motivation to improve themselves and their lives, not less. (Brienes and Chen, 2012). (Just notice what kinds of motivations arise when you ask yourself the following question: ‘What is the kindest thing you could do for yourself?’.)
Self-compassion is associated with improved goal pursuit and better resilience when goals are not met. It is also correlated with less procrastination and worry. (Hope, 2014)
It encourages working towards mastery rather than performance, with less fear of failure. (Neff, 2005).
Research on athletic performance at various levels shows self-compassion is associated with improved recovery, better performance anxiety, enhanced experience of ‘flow’, and sustained motivation in training. (Adam, Eke, and Ferguson, 2021).
On the opposite side, a high level of self-criticism (the inverse of self-compassion) is associated with self-oriented perfectionism, anxiety, rumination, and high levels of burnout (Kowalski & Duckham, 2014).
“Self-compassion is like pitying myself.” Some people feel uncomfortable being on the receiving end of compassion because they equate it with pity. But pity and compassion are different.
The word compassion means "to feel with” meaning it recognizes pain and misfortune as part of the human experience that we all experience at different times. We are all worthy of self-compassion. Pity, instead, involves looking down on a situation of suffering in a way that induces separation, not connection. So, you may be uncomfortable with pity, but very deserving of compassion.
“Self-compassion is self-indulgent.” Some people consider self-compassion selfish, indulgent, or self-centered. There can be resistance towards locating ourselves in the center of our own attention for a little while, especially for those who value caregiving, generosity, and selflessness. But actually, the research shows that practicing self-compassion is one of the most benevolent things we can do.
Practices in self-kindness benefit our nervous system, helping us withstand difficulty with less suffering. We are actually more capable, have better boundaries, and are less likely to burn out when we show ourselves kindness. (Abdollahi, 2021).
Studies have shown that when we practice self-compassion, our nervous system’s health is quickly registered by the people in our immediate surroundings. We have networks in our brains called 'mirror neurons’ that automatically and subconsciously pick up on whether people in our environment are safe, connected, available, and resourced. (Have you ever tried to calm a baby when your own nervous system is frayed or stressed? Mirror neurons are responsible for communicating the actual state of the body regardless of our conscious intention.) When we practice self-kindness and self-compassion, our nervous systems overflow with this gift of balance and kindness and everyone we come into contact with benefits (Singer, 2012).
What is self-compassion? Three components to practice:
Compassion is concerned with the alleviation of suffering and the motivation to do something about it. It includes three components:
Mindfulness: turning towards what is (with objectivity rather than over-identification or getting lost inside the experience; it can be helpful to name whatever feeling is arising)
Compassion: a warmth or kindness in our response to what is arising (rather than judgement)
Connection: acknowledging the common humanity in your experience; recognizing that some aspect of what you are feeling is shared, relatable, and you are not alone in it (e.g. “Because I can feel this feeling or experience, I am a part of the human family, and others have experienced a feeling like this too.")
Putting self-compassion into practice:
I would absolutely love for you to try practicing self-compassion as part of your overall approach to self care. See below for a few links to support your practice. I”ll include a few more nudges on how healthful this amazing tool is. Let me know if you try any of this out and if you do, how it goes for you.
Resources
You can test your levels of self-compassion with the self-compassion scale.
Try practicing with a short 15-minute guided meditation: The Yin + Yang of Self Compassion
Books to read:
What does the research show about self-compassion and health conditions?
People who practice self-compassion are more likely to sustain health-related behavioral change. (Dunne, Sheffield, and Chilcot, 2016).
Developing a sense of self-compassion is related to lasting recovery from disordered eating behavior and weight cycling behavior. (Braun, 2016).
Self compassion practice has been shown to improve resiliency among breast cancer patients. (Abdollahi, 2020).
People who practice self-compassion have better outcomes recovering from PTSD, trauma recovery, anxiety, and depression. (Winders et al., 2020).
Self compassion has been shown to helps diabetics regulate blood sugar. (Morrison, 2021).
A harsh, self-critical, or judgmental inner voice is associated with high heart rate, higher stress (cortisol) levels, poorer sleep, and increased inflammation — all symptoms of chronic sympathetic activation. So as far as health is concerned, self-compassion enhances well being.
References
❍ Abdollahi, A., Taheri, A., & Allen, K. A. Perceived stress, self-compassion and job burnout in nurses: The moderating role of self-compassion. Journal of Research in Nursing. 2021 26 (3): 182–191.
❍ Abdollahi, A., Taheri, A., & Allen, K.A. Self-compassion moderates the perceived stress and self-care behaviors link in women with breast cancer. Psycho-Oncology. 2020; 29:927–933.
❍ Adam, M. E. K., Eke, A. O., & Ferguson, L. J. “Know that you’re not just settling”: Exploring women athletes’ self-compassion, sport performance perceptions, and well-being around important competitive events. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology. 2021 43(3): 268–278.
❍ Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-Compassion Increases Self-Improvement Motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 2012 38(9): 1133–1143.
❍ Braun, T., Gorin, A. Self-compassion, body image, and disordered eating: A review of the literature. Body Image. 2016 17: 117-131.
❍ Dunne, S. Sheffield, D., & Chilcot, J. Brief report: Self-compassion, physical health and the mediating role of health-promoting behaviours. 2016 23(7).
❍ Kowalski, K., & Duckham, R. (2014). Self-criticism. In R. C. Eklund & G. Tennenbaum (Eds.), Encyclopedia of sport and exercise psychology (628–629). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
❍ Morrison, A., et al. Self-Compassion, Metabolic Control and Health Status in Individuals with Type 2 Diabetes: A UK Observational Study. Exp Clin Endocrinol Diabetes. 2021 129(6):413-419.
❍ Neff, K., Hseih, Y., & Dejittherat, K. Self-compassion, achievement goals, and coping with academic failure. Self Identity. 2005 4(3):263-287.
❍ Singer, T. (2012, April). Neuroscience, Empathy and Compassion. Paper presented at the International Symposia for Contemplative Studies, Denver, CO.
❍ Winders, S-J., Murphy, O., Looney, K., & O'Reilly, G. Self‐compassion, trauma, and posttraumatic stress disorder: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy. 2020 27(3), 300-329.